WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
