sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
