this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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