i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
