I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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