Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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