how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
