It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
