i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
