She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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