Don't you send me to vm
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
