The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
