You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
