ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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