are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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