drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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