All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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