I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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