I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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