I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
