I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
