You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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