The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
