Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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