fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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