He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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