best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
