Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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