2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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