I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
