Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
