WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
