Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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