he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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