You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
