So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
