but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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