ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
