went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
