Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
