mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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