ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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