Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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