rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
