just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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