"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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