yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
