i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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