everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
