Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
