I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
