zippers are such a cool invention
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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