a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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